Two Years After Sexual Assault

Content Warning: This story discusses sexual assault and may be triggering for some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

For those who are new subscribers or who want to re-read my previous articles about my sexual assault experience, here is my initial article Finding Light After Sexual Violence and One Year After Sexual Violence. 

It certainly doesn’t feel that two years have passed since my sexual assault. In a way it feels like yesterday, but life feels very different now. One of the biggest feelings I had to work through was feeling that I disappointed my parents and myself as well. While my parents were supportive, I also felt they felt they had taught me better safety lessons and they did, but at the time I didn’t feel I put myself in danger. I just thought I was having fun and going out of my comfort zone, but I went too far and got myself into a bad situation. Being assaulted truly felt like it came out of nowhere and was quite a shocking experience. It’s cliche to say, but you always think things like that won’t happen to you, but it can happen to anyone, especially women. 

Overall, though, I feel much better than I did even a year ago and have made it a priority to work on forgiveness of myself, him, and the situation. I have done a lot of prayer, healing, and forgiveness work and have made a lot of progress. I still wouldn’t say I have 100% forgiven everything yet, but I have come a long way since last year. I have a lot more compassion and love for myself and do not hold it against myself as much as I once used to. I can see that I made an unwise decision in going on a date with someone I didn’t know well, while also seeing that he shouldn’t have assaulted me. For a long time, I didn’t have any empathy for myself because I felt that I walked right into the situation, but now I really have been able to give myself grace and forgiveness.

In August, I read Amanda Nguyen’s book, Saving Five: A Memoir of Hope, a riveting book about her abusive childhood and rape at Harvard. While some parts were difficult to read, it was overall a very inspiring story and one where you truly saw her resilience and power. I don’t want to spoil the book in case some people would like to read it, but I would like to highlight some of the similarities and differences in our sexual assault experiences.  

One of the similarities that both Amanda and I share is that we were both blessed to have friends that supported us during our assault. One of Amanda’s friends, Charlize, took her to the emergency room after her rape.  Another one of her friends, Alex, helped her clean her bedsheets after her rape because she couldn’t do the laundry herself.  Also, another friend named Mark, took her to ice cream because she didn’t leave her dorm room for a week after her rape. Amanda says that many of her friends didn’t know what to say to her after her assault but that they did their best to be there for her and that’s what matters most. Of course, when people undergo traumatic situations, it can be difficult to know exactly what to say, but showing that you care and support that person is very appreciated. 

Similarly, my friends were supportive as well. The day after my sexual assault one of my friends gave me the number for San Francisco Women Against Rape and encouraged me to get therapy which was something I wasn’t initially planning to do. Many friends were supportive when I told them about my assault and offered their condolences. Some of them shared their stories of sexual assault as well, making me feel less alone.  It’s great when you can share your story with family and friends, but I do think it’s important to be careful who you talk to about your assault because not everyone will be supportive and you don’t want to deal with insensitive comments during this difficult time. 

Another similarity between both our stories is that we both struggled with the justice system. Amanda faced difficulties because under Massachusetts law, untested rape kits were destroyed in six months if someone decided not to press charges (Nguyen 73). Obviously, this was challenging and stressful for Amanda, and for many other people, because she did not know whether or not she wanted to press charges yet and wanted more time than just six months. Additionally, Amanda didn’t have any idea where her rape kit was stored and had to spend long hours on the phone trying to find it. She was also fighting for an extension so that her rape kit wasn’t destroyed. Amanda continually got wrong information and was left in the dark many times, when this information should be readily available. Clearly, dealing with these issues already put more unnecessary stress and fear on Amanda and many others, while they are already dealing with effects from their sexual assault.  

The first time I tried to report my sexual assault I was told by the NYPD that I couldn’t report it because I was not a resident of New York. I was disappointed until a friend and San Francisco Women Against Rape told me that was false and helped me report it.  It’s very important that law enforcement is not a hindrance to people reporting their assault because it helps law enforcement keep our society safe from predators. All law enforcement and sexual assault help centers should know the procedures on how to report sexual assaults and not be confused and give false information. 

The last similarity I will discuss is that we both felt that the men who assaulted us planned to assault us and that they had done it before. We both felt that they had assaulted other women before because they knew exactly what to do and it seemed routine to them. The men who assaulted us also texted us both afterward pretending that everything was good and asking to hang out again, acting as though they didn’t violate us. I think it’s a way of protecting themselves and trying to cover their tracks, if we decide to press charges against them. 

One of the biggest differences between Amanda and I is that she knew that she had been raped and that it was an act of sexual assault. At first, I didn’t realize I was sexually assaulted, until my friend told me the next day that I had been assaulted. Originally, I just thought I had a bad date. I didn’t know that being groped, choked, and thrown around was a part of sexual assault. I just assumed that only rape was considered sexual assault. According to the National Sexual Assault Resource Center, sexual assault is defined as “any type of sexual activity or contact, including rape, that happens without your consent.” It includes sexual harassment, unwanted contact/touching, nonconsensual image sharing, sex exploitation and trafficking and much more (National Sexual Violence Resource Center). 

Another difference between Amanda and I’s sexual assault experiences is that we were in different life stages when we experienced this trauma. Amanda was in her senior year of college just about to graduate when she unfortunately got raped.  Being assaulted in college is common as almost one in four women get assaulted while attending college (National Sexual Violence Resource Center). I was in a different life stage as I was twenty-four working my first corporate marketing job and was on a business trip. Of course, being assaulted at any age is a traumatic and horrific experience, but it’s difficult when you are young. 

Ultimately, learning about other people’s experiences of sexual assault has been helpful in my healing journey.  Amanda’s book really touched my heart, and I am inspired by her resilience and desire to help other survivors. She used the worst experience of her life to create her nonprofit, Rise, and helped pass the Sexual Assault Survivors' Bill of Rights in 2016 to help survivors get uniform rights and regulations across a federal level (Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights). Amanda shows us the importance of using our voice to fight for justice and not letting trauma take away our dreams.

If you or anyone you know wants to talk about sexual assault, please reach out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline by calling (800–656-4673) or visiting RAINN which provides confidential support and guidance 24/7.

Works Cited:

McNamara, Brittney. “Activist Amanda Nguyen’s Secret to Countering Racism Is Joy.” Teen Vogue, www.teenvogue.com/story/amanda-nguyen-on-anti-asian-racism-justice-and-joy.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center. “About Sexual Assault.” National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 2011, www.nsvrc.org/about-sexual-assault.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center. “Statistics.” National Sexual Violence Resource Center, NSVRC, 2018, www.nsvrc.org/statistics.

Nguyen, Amanda. Saving Five: A Memoir of Hope. AUWA, 4 Mar. 2025.

San Francisco Women against Rape. San Francisco Women against Rape, 23 Dec. 2024, sfwar.org.

“Saving Five: A Memoir of Hope.” Goodreads, Goodreads, www.goodreads.com/book/show/211934934-saving-five. Accessed 2 Oct. 2025. 

Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights | Team America | Rise. 4 Jan. 2023, risenow.us/impact/sexual-assault-survivors-bill-of-rights/.